Rest In Peace.

Moon rise, under clouds of worry,

with turmoil twinkling overhead.
the nighttime brings a
discontent.
A dark so deep
it fills my head.

Every twilight carries a brand new fear.
As the sun sets, my heart
ties up in knots.
Wondering if any ever thought
it dear,
then wondering at such dismal thoughts!

Oh where is the morning that I so love?
To banish this
mourning
that I so dread.
Every night it afflicts me,
until I sleep.
I pray for the rest wished upon
the dead.

A Song of Self Inflicted Woe.

I always feel the outsider. The forgotten one among such stars. I can never seem to shine as brightly,

abide in acceptance,

as they are.

My pondering heart oft wonders if it’s only self-inflicted woe, this misery and loneliness escapable,

if truly so.

Perhaps, if studied deeper I could find a sanguine smile somewhere, and then quit reaching for the stars,

in finding I was always there.

Lately I haven't had words to say.
My heart just beats very silently.
I live each day in a silent joy,
just a quiet heart in a quiet me.

Though that doesn't mean I don't care,
or feel.
There is so much love inside this chest;
and I'd happily share it all with you..
If a person ever thought to ask.

I Seem Alone.

To have my love,
oh what is that,
if you can never love me back?
But love alone I always do,
so silently I feel for you.

Will anguish settle in my heart?
The deepest corners?
The secret parts?
And always hiding,
I'll feel silence,
the quiet shared by waiting hearts.

It's all a secret.

It seems I always feel this way,
such yearning lingers in the air,
and yet, as I sit loudly laughing,
one won't see the quiet here.

It's sitting in that corner, silent, slightly hidden from your view.
Because I've learned to laugh is better than really trying to share with you,
for sharing's not the thing to do.

So I smile in this moment,
and bright it truly is for me,
except for all that hidden quiet that calls for me to set it free.
It's all I dream for,
secretly.

Oh won't you please be quiet with me?

Short of Breath

Once, when I was truly myself,
a smile lived upon my mouth.
Lingering for such brief moments in my eyes,
and on my lips. I felt a truth
living close to my heart. A near neighbor to the now.
Like a soft breeze dancing through my soul,
refreshing only for a breath,
the full and glorious hope of I was beautiful.
Oh mourn the death.

The folly of this clear facade is seen and scoffed by only me.
The secret, quiet, hopes I dream are covered by fear of
disappointing.
So hindered and held back by visions abounding with terror that all alone I'll be
unloved,
uncherished,
and unseen.

So I breathe this one sweet breath,
so beautiful,
then embrace death.

I know

I keep searching for some small hope to hold onto.
Any sign that you might think of me,
that you might want me too.
I keep looking after you and
grasping,
grasping as wisps of nothing that I've imagined you feel for me.
Pretending that you spoke to me.
Pretending that you care for me.
Pretending you might actually
accept my heart that's crying
out to yours.
But you are silent. Oh, you are quiet,
and this nothing says
everything
I don't want to know.

That I'm foolishly hoping and so never moving.
I'm always loving alone.