The Lonely Fear (It Disappears)

Thunderstorms still scare me,

so uncontrollable and startling. I like to lock me door against the rain and keep my light turned on, remembering all those times I silently held on to my mom, her warm arms shielding me from the danger so recently discovered in the word "alone".

I am still just one little girl
wishing she could run in to someone's arms for refuge from the storm.
It's raging just inside my walls,
beating against my heart and raining woes, searching for a warmth to call my own.

So arms are discovered,
found infinitely large and never abandoning, inviting me in to stay and share a dream with Him,
to have my heart beat
beat with Him.

I'm watching the fear of "alone" disappear.

Of Dreams

“Dreaming is just a waste of time”, I tell myself the same thing over and over. Yet, here I am, dreaming again. So full of thoughts that I can’t comprehend where sense begins and fantasy ends.

I have so many dreams: of life and death and joy and sadness and love and loss and all that’s in between such things. And I crave beauty in every moment of every dream. Wanting to stay in that sweet reverie. Wanting the beautiful to stay most of all.

I desperately hold onto, want, that reality..

Open my Eyes

I need silence. To get away from my heart's calling and all of the longing deep inside of me.
Let me be mercifully distracted by your love,
live to lift you up and praise your Holy name.
Instead of all this yearning give me peace.
Help me accept that you've given me all that I could ever want, or need, or dream.

And make my eyes shine with love,
as yours do.
Staring straight in to my soul you hold me close without even holding me. And the wold must know.
Because this vast, and broken, beating heart that you created is searching.
Searching for something to fill it's desire and complete and utter
peace
is what you have to offer.

Walking each day let me love your way, so completely unhindered and never receding or leaving alone, until I understand that you'll chase me until I run home, to you.
Reveal to me your truth Lord. Open my eyes to your bigger picture:
The world's fragmented stories all coming together to create a beauty that can't be contained.

So then, free, we'll all see the glorious grace that you hold out for us to discover, each day.

The Dance of Spring

Spring comes in with
shades of gray,
and dreary,
dismal,
cries all day:
With fierce, and blustery,
sobbing breaths.

As if she's mourning
Winter's death.

And dancing between the snow
and the rain.
She's at once
in one's arms,
then the others' again.

Rest In Peace.

Moon rise, under clouds of worry,

with turmoil twinkling overhead.
the nighttime brings a
discontent.
A dark so deep
it fills my head.

Every twilight carries a brand new fear.
As the sun sets, my heart
ties up in knots.
Wondering if any ever thought
it dear,
then wondering at such dismal thoughts!

Oh where is the morning that I so love?
To banish this
mourning
that I so dread.
Every night it afflicts me,
until I sleep.
I pray for the rest wished upon
the dead.

A Song of Self Inflicted Woe.

I always feel the outsider. The forgotten one among such stars. I can never seem to shine as brightly,

abide in acceptance,

as they are.

My pondering heart oft wonders if it’s only self-inflicted woe, this misery and loneliness escapable,

if truly so.

Perhaps, if studied deeper I could find a sanguine smile somewhere, and then quit reaching for the stars,

in finding I was always there.

Lately I haven't had words to say.
My heart just beats very silently.
I live each day in a silent joy,
just a quiet heart in a quiet me.

Though that doesn't mean I don't care,
or feel.
There is so much love inside this chest;
and I'd happily share it all with you..
If a person ever thought to ask.