Now.

There’s this worry inside of me. It grabs a hold of all that beauty I could be enjoying and turns it into something twisted and ugly. I can’t taste all that’s lovely because I’m too busy worrying about how long it will last. I’m too busy grasping at thoughts of yesterday that should mean nothing. They shouldn't be.

I hold on dearly to that which should not be held onto. I can’t forget those past mistakes and learn to see the future here in front of me.

But I have to forget this.

So I will untie those chains around my heart, holding me back from everything You have in store. I will stop running away, and instead run towards that frightening future that I can’t quite see. But You can see and You will guide me. I’ll hold Your hand and joyfully look into me, where You reside. I’ll look through Your eyes and love with Your heart and speak with Your words.

I’ll grasp all that beauty. I’ll taste all that’s lovely.

I’ll trust God to provide all I need.

Just a brief remembering..

of that day so filled with hope it overflowed,

and showed

in the shaking of my voice and hands.

I shared my nervous heart with best friends,

begging to be comforted by cliche’s.

You held my heart for a while, and told me to wish for you.

I did,

then scarcely breathed a word

in the chance it might come true.

It didn’t.

Cutting Ties

I feel like I’m forgetting the romance; the singular beauty of some things.

Like the way light falls or the feeling of a warm breeze.

I sit,

staring in to my self,

blind to the loveliness still living around me.

I need to break those ropes made of sullen thoughts

that I've found wrapped around my beating heart,

and let it laugh and play, so free.

A Lament Psalm: Of Kara

Oh Father, give me your strength.

Lord, answer me,

for I come up against troubles that I can’t perceive,

and enemies I don’t understand.

You know me, Oh Lover of My Soul.

For you are El Roi: The God Who Sees.

You know my heart,

and the yearning I feel every moment of every day.

I yearn for that which I can’t explain.

I desire fulfillment

though I don’t know how, or why.

I find within myself questions I can’t describe,

questions surrounded by worries and fears.

I am constantly searching for answers.

But how do I fight against the unnamed?

And how can I find what I do not know?

Dear Lord, it is so beautiful to know you;

to know that you see the deep recesses of my soul.

I run to you, for I find true life

in your unending love.

You’re my only hope.

My God is the true source of peace and joy.

All confusion and fear flees at the sound of his name.

I find my heart full in His presence.

I rest in Him,

and my questions are quieted.

You know me, Oh Lover of my Soul.

For you are El Roi: The God Who Sees.